Music is one of the industries where it’s easy to put people into little boxes that are comically true or annoyingly false. Everybody knows the typical bassist stereotypes: We’re failed guitarists, all slappa da bass, and fat tones come from bellies or beards. Whether you agree with the stereotypes or not, you’ve definitely heard them. But what about the stereotypes within the pool of bassists alone? I think a lot can be said about a bassist bas(s)ed on their bass!
Please note that these are just for fun, and not meant to offend anyone!
Fender P Bass
Usually in rusty brown starburst, the P Bass is such a common sight that it serves an array of different players. From the studio musician to the guy-you-sorta-know-who-kinda-plays-bass-so-he’ll-do-for-your-pop-punk-band, it seems like every musician who doesn’t have a Fender Jazz has a Fender P Bass. For those who just want to get the job done in the most
versatile generic way possible, this bass is the holy grail.
The Sticker-Bombed Bass
The owner of this bass is definitely in a pop punk band, and they’re definitely cooler than you. At least, they are in their heads. I mean, look at all the cool stickers from places they’ve toured! And that generic Nirvana smiley sticker. They’re not like other bassists, obviously.
Just don’t ask how it sounds.
A money-saving choice we all make at one time or another, the Squier will be the best mistake you ever made. Guaranteed to be either a gem or a money pit, the Squier is for those real risk-takers, or those real beginners. When you see a bassist with one of these slung over their shoulder, you can bet on how gullible, broke, or just plain cheap of a person they are in an instant.
Yee-yee! This one ‘ere is fer the country boys n’ girls n’ everyone in between. Wanna make yer music sound mighty fine, but can’t overpower yer mamma’s boy lead singer? This ‘ere’s the one for you! Folks will barely hear ya, but you’ll be doin’ yer lead singer’s mama proud!
For the pickiest of bassists, a boutique bass can come in any shape, size, color, or configuration. But it’s probably just a far pricier Fender Jazz ripoff. Still! Listen to how much better it sounds! Shhhhh, listen to the money talking….
This player likely has premature arthritis from having to contort their hands to play their Frankenstein of an instrument. They’re probably pretty good, but they’ll likely have to retire before they hit the big 5-0 when their second wrist replacement wears off. In the meantime, they know they’re cooler than you, and they would be right. Listen to that sick sweep, dude!
Want more bass stereotypes? Leave a comment about what other types of basses you want to hear about!
Judge me on my basses: